Edited by Ivy Zhen
Our names are Matt and Mandi, and we have been married for 27 years. Matt is a self-employed Electrical Contractor, and Mandi is a school bus driver. She chose this profession to align her schedule with her children’s and take advantage of the health insurance it offers.
We are not your typical family; in fact, we are quite the opposite. We have 17 kids: three biological - Blake (25), Emma (20), and Gabe (17); 11 adopted from China with varying degrees of special needs - Jaxon (25), Kalia (20), Trinity (19), Heidi (18), Mylee (16), Andrew (16), Piper (15), Asa (11), Paisley (10), and Estie (8); and 3 from Colombia - Cruz (13), Taya (10), and Della (9). Below is just a snippet of how adoption has blessed our family.
Matt and I began talking about marriage and our future when we were dating. I told him that my dream was to adopt a little girl from China. He was open to the idea. Once we were married and had three biological kids, we decided to look into adopting. After a few months, we signed with an agency, and our journey began. We thought we had a couple of years to prepare and produce the money, but a week or so after signing, we got a call from our agency asking if we would be open to adopting a special needs child. To be honest, we hesitated at first, but after speaking to our social worker, we decided to consider it.
She called me the very next day asking if we would like to review the file of a little girl with club feet; we were still cautious at this point. Once we opened her picture and saw her face, I knew instantly that she was going to be our daughter. Staring back at me was the face of the daughter I had envisioned since I was a child. I knew without a doubt that this was her!
In 2008, Matt and I traveled to China to bring our then 2-year-old daughter Mylee (now 16) home. From the moment she was placed into my arms, we instantly bonded. I had no idea the impact that the trip to China would have on me. It changed something in me. My heart was turned inside out that day, and that was when I truly understood that adopting was so much more than just having a cute little Chinese daughter to call my own. When I left China, I remember looking out the airplane window telling myself, "I'll be back."
We ended up returning to China five more times, and each time I knew I would return. I always felt like I was leaving a part of myself there. In 2017, I made what would be our last trip to China for Estie (she was 4 and is now 8). The day we got the pre-approval to adopt her was the same day China changed their family policy – each family could not have more than five children under the age of 18. I assumed this would be our last adoption.
God has quite the sense of humor. We ended up going on to adopting four more kids, all from disruption. All four had been previously adopted from China by four different families here in the US. For various reasons, at no fault of the kids, each family reached out to us and asked if we would consider adopting their kids. Within a span of 2 years, those four kids officially became forever ours. All four have adjusted well and are thriving in their new family.
After their adoptions were finalized, I was certain we were done until one day I kept getting this nagging feeling that I needed to look at the waiting children in Colombia. I had looked before, years ago, but their travel requirements were out of the question for us.
On all our trips to China but one, Matt has stayed at home to work and care for the other kids. Colombia required both parents to travel for at least the first 7-10 days, and the minimum stay in the country was 3 weeks. So, the more Colombia popped into my head, the more I tried to push it away until finally one day I gave in, and the rest is history. We welcomed our three newest members into our family about 2 months ago.
Throughout Mylee’s adoption, Matt played the role of the “reluctant father.”
He gave me a million reasons against adopting her: we couldn’t afford it, it wasn’t the right time, we didn’t have enough room… With every reason, I prayed that God would soften his heart just one more time. During one of our many conversations, Matt said to me, “If this is what you are supposed to do, and if this is what God has called you to do, who am I to stand in the way? If He continues to provide for the family we have now and for our future kids, then that is exactly what we will do.” I have an amazing husband.
God planted the seed of adoption in my heart years ago. What I thought was just a “selfish” need has turned into so much more. Because of adoption, I am a better person. I am a better mom. I am way more patient (most of the time). But more importantly, I am a better believer. In the past 14 years, my faith in God has skyrocketed. He has blessed me and my family in more ways than I can count. It is because of him that I could help a terrified child blossom into a happy, healthy family member. It is because of Him that I can say I have 17 kids that call me “Mom” every single day!
Many times, when people hear we have adopted and are in the process of adopting again, they refer to Matt and me as “Saints” or “Angels.” We have also heard many times that our adopted kids have “won the lottery.” Although Matt and I by no means consider ourselves “Saints,” we like to think that we instead are the ones who have won the lottery. We simply cannot imagine our lives and our family without each one of our children. Adoption certainly does change children’s lives. But as I look at these gifts God has given us, I realize that adoption has changed my life more.
We took a different path than we anticipated by adopting special needs children, but not only have they blessed our family, we have been pleasantly surprised as well. I find it ironic that during three pregnancies we prayed for a healthy baby, ten fingers, and ten toes, and now, we are knowingly opening our home and hearts to children who have medical conditions that we prayed our children would not have. The miracle of adoption has completely and totally changed our lives. We went from wanting to make a difference for one, to being driven to make a difference for many. Not only has my heart been open to adoption, but my eyes have been opened as well. I cannot forget the scenes I saw in China; I cannot forget the smells, the cries, the tears, the pain, the grief, the poverty, the sadness. I know I cannot adopt every orphan in our world. I also know that I am not in control anymore of how many children we have. What I do know is that for whatever reason, God has called Matt and I to parent more children that are just as much our children as our three biological children.
I am also so thankful for Him for having enough faith and trust in Matt and I to parent all our children. Each one of our children is a blessing. Life may be chaotic at times. Our house may be full. Our grocery bill may be outrageous. The laundry may be endless. But at the end of the day, what matters more is how full our hearts are.
We get asked a lot how we can afford to adopt and take care of more kids. My answer is always, “We couldn’t do it without our faith in God and His faith in us.” I honestly believe that He has made every single one of our adoptions affordable for us. We live a modest lifestyle; it works for us. Sure, there are times when I wish we had a bigger house, or more washer and dryers, I wish we could take the kids on yearly vacations. But at the end of the day, when I think about everything we do have, I cannot imagine our lives any different. Matt and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary on March 3rd. When I look back to when we first got married, the picture I had in my mind of what our lives would be was different from what it is now. I wanted the perfect life, perfect children, white picket fences…. When I look back over the past 27 years, somewhere along the way, that person disappeared. My heart changed from the inside out. When we set out on our adoption journey in 2008, never did I imagine that my life would look so vastly different to what I thought it would. I don’t have the perfect life or the perfect children, but what I do have is everything God meant for me to have. That is my fairytale.
Something Matt and I heard often was, “She is so lucky. Her life will never be the same again.” In a way that is true–each one of our adopted children’s lives have changed. That is just what adoption does because adoption was God’s idea in the first place.
Some of the very few times we have audibly heard from God were about adoption. He has spoken to us, provided for us, revealed his heart to us, unified us, provided real-deal miracles–all because adoption allowed us to experience our need for him and provided the platform from which He could display His God-ness. He has been so clear in what we are supposed to do. So, we simply put one foot in front of the other and answered His call.
We have never felt more alive in Christ than when we were in the middle of an adoption journey. We have never felt the fear of standing outside of the door where we will meet our new children for the first time. We have never experienced greater community with the body of Christ than waking up in China to read encouraging messages from friends and family members praying for us from thousands of miles away. We have been asked about the God we serve because of the Chinese kid holding my hand at Target or the picture of my family on my computer desktop. My relationship with Jesus has been improved because we said yes to adoption. That relationship has become stronger and more personal with each subsequent adoption.
Every one of our adoptions has the hand of God in it. Each child has a story that only He could write. Each story has details that only He would be able to add to open our eyes and hearts to that specific child. It is because of those details that every adoption has been a leap of faith. We know that He will be there paving the way.
Being in such a large family can feel overwhelming and isolating at times. After adopting multiple kids with special needs, very few people want to engage with you. We have lost countless friends and family because of the size of our family or because of our kids' race. It used to hurt, but when I sat back and really looked at our family and saw all that they were missing, it didn't hurt, it just really made me sad because they were missing out on so much. We don't get invited to go out with friends anymore, and I get it. If I wasn't walking this path, I can't assure you that I would understand why someone would want 17 kids.
What a lot of people don't understand is just how much we as adoptive families sacrifice. We don't take family vacations (way too expensive). My kids would love to go to Disney World and see the ocean, but financially there is just no way we can afford it. Matt and I rarely get time away just for the two of us. We do what we can with what we have. We may not be able to go to Disney, but we might be able to take some of the older kids to an amusement park. We make memories the best way we know how and in ways that work with our family. We don't complain, we don't ask for help, we don't expect anything from anyone because we have all heard the words, you had to know what you were getting into.
We have been able to save enough money to add on to our house to make room for everyone, but we can't afford to hire help. Matt is doing all the work himself, but because he also works full time, he only gets time to work on it during the weekends. The big kids help, but we want them to have time with their friends too. Our kids have all been helping out: pouring concrete, framing, painting, laying flooring, etc. You name it; they can probably do it. This may not be an ideal way for most families to spend time together, but we make the most of it.
The cost! Adoption is not cheap. It is a price we pay to ensure these kids have the best life they can. Adoption costs thousands and thousands of dollars. So, what do we do? We fundraise. We must humble ourselves enough to ask for financial assistance, and most of the time it is either complete strangers or other adoptive families that help. Those who have been around the adoption community long enough see just how big our village is. Never have I seen a family ready to travel not be able to because of money. We all rally around each other to make sure that child gets home.
These are just a few struggles we as adoptive families face every day. I haven't even mentioned the countless hours we spend in doctors’ offices, surgery waiting rooms, therapy appointments, etc. We don't talk about the trauma our kids deal with because once they get to a certain age, they become more aware of themselves and the social stigma behind certain conditions. We can tell them over and over that their biological families loved them, but the children convince themselves that they weren't good enough because of their lifelong medical condition–that they aren't worth the burden. These are the thoughts that they deal with every single day.
One thing is for sure, when Matt and I started the process to adopt, we had no idea the twists and turns that would be involved. But every door that closed, another opened. We have stumbled upon roadblocks and watched as God removed the barriers. We have climbed mountains that have been so high, they have disappeared into the clouds. We have seen the darkness of the storm only to be shown the rainbow on the other side. We have and will be in the trenches more times than I can count, but we know God will be there holding out His hand to pull us out. We have felt Him behind us, ahead of us, and beside us every step of the way.
Adoption is not easy. In fact, it can be quite difficult physically, financially, and emotionally. However, the result is worth the sacrifices, the worry, the unknowns, the ups and downs, and anything else in between, because in the end, anything is possible with God by your side.
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